Almost Girl

After a long jaunt through the park today I went on a bit of a periodical binge in the hopes of getting out my attention rut as I am a tiny bit concerned that I am becoming ADD. I can’t watch a movie straight through anymore and I am digesting my media solely through meta media recommendations online. This constant flitting around in the hopes of ingesting and digesting as much information as possible makes me feel as if I am living in a bad near future science fiction novel but without any of the implants. If I wasn’t committed to Coutorture I would consider swearing off the internet altogether just so I could relearn to focus!

It might be happening already though. I recently began using Entourage instead of my habitual Gmail after our giant server and backend migration and I am finding myself spending a lot less time responding, interacting and networking via email. This could be the first step of weaning me off the internet. Without the context of conversation I find I simply cannot interact via email. It is too difficult to place place conversations in Entourage (not to mention deleting the hundreds of pieces of spam it seems to be incapable of recognizing) thus instead of incessantly networking, reaching out and generally communicating via email I can barely be bothered to check it. Which probably sucks for anyone trying to get in contact with me but is great for spending less time in front of the screen. Which means I am getting a lot more brainstorming done. I do however wonder what it will do to my ability to interact with a wider community but I think I may be learning just how fashion feels about the pointlessness of email. If Conde Nast switched everyone to Gmail ten bucks says fashion would evolve in ten seconds flat. And just in case you do still want to hear from me just do it at the gmail! First name dot last name at gmail!

I answered a few of my critics on an earlier post but I realized that it was relevant enough for its own post. The complaint is why am I not more self deprecating or more modest. Here is my answer.

You know I don’t really feel the need to be self deprecating. And honestly the reason why is that I have a lot of health problems and a body that isn’t at all the traditional model of a fashionista. I feel my own physical circumstance is enough of an auto deprecate that why should I take myself down when so many others are wiling to do the job and my own body joins in their fun?

I happen to enjoy that we have been successful, that we have helped our wider community and that we have changed a lot of standards of what is acceptable.

The irony is I will always be almost no matter how much success I achieve. I will never have the perfect body for fashion because my illness is a chronic one. I will never dress as others wish. And frankly I will never be rich enough (though I suppose this has changed and is changing) to be considered acceptable to a certain kind of establishment.

And you know what? We are all Almost Girls. That is the point in the end I think I am trying to make. Even the most beautiful facade and societally approved success is still imperfect. There will always be details that take away from perfection even when as an industry we strive to fake it.

The point is to not make fun of yourself for not being perfect. Why do we insist that strong females say well OK I am not perfect so haha whatever. It is a great trick we play on our fellow women. You don’t see men asking for put downs. We aren’t perfect but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be proud of what we have achieved. Embrace the Almost.

I am doing my best to read for forty minutes every night before I go to sleep. I admit I am sleeping a lot less thanks to this tendency but I am also fast running out of literature! Any suggestions would be much appreciated. I am not much for modern fiction (I am willing to give it a shot) but I am all over science fiction (I prefer near future, classic space opera and I hate to admit it, cyperpunk) and anything that stretches the mind. Please leave suggestions in the comments.

Having been poor for so long the idea of refining and cultivating the aesthetic I really desired was about as realistic as expecting to sign a lease in Manhattan. But two years of subletting and living off the financial grid did allow me to live under the auspices of the finest creative professionals a woman could ever hope to meet. And that inspiration has finally begun to pay off now that poverty is a thing of the past. And I am beginning to realize that my particular desired aesthetic, which I can only loosely ascribe as belonging to a fortysomething cashmere, silk and cotton swaddled intellectual creative professional, is not only remarkably attainable but fantastically season-less. Why I crave that non-fashion fashion I do not know but I have an unquenchable urge to fill my wardrobe with these garments.

Browsing through off-season Marni, Martin Margiela and Prada I am beginning to realize that while all have recognizable seasonal trends and aesthetics they are also easily pick and choose last for ages lines, loose yet tailored, revealing but only in personal unique ways, and functional, all the garments I crave feel as if they could exist for the kind of woman I am becoming at all ages and stages. I feel empowered by these clothes.